I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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