JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
