Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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