I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
