I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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