I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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