Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
