i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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