Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
