Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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