whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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