A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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