It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
