is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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