At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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