I accidentally had phone sex last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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