Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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