I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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