I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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