Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
