Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
