drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fuck appropriateness.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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