You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
