Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
