how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
