When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
