please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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