Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
