better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
