i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
