Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
