Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
