i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
