The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize