Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
