Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
