Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
