I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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