I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
