At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
