If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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