A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
