I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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