This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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