So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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