Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
