I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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