They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
