btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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