I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
