her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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