I intend to get homeless drunk
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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