i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
