Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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