Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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