Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
