what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
