I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
