shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
