mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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