I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
