I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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