like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
