I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i barfeds in our rink
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
