She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
