well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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