This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
