I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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