I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
