I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We don't watch enough power rangers
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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