Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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